Watch me go.
I’ve always been a monster. I’ve always known it. If anyone else knew it too, they’ve never admitted it. Never warned me. Never told me to be careful. To watch out. There was never any right or wrong. There was smoke. But no alarm. And it all ended up in flames. More than the rain could help.
My eyes used to catch the Sun, like a God might stop time. In the mirror I would stare into my own eyes and I could see gold. Browns and greens. It reminded me of untouched pools in hidden caves. Melted snow seeping through centuries of limestone to drip and catch in the red rock of my soul.
Where has that color gone. Where is the Sun. Where are the morning doves. Where are my yesterdays. Where is my way home.
I’ve heard the promises. I’ve seen their failures. I’ve welcomed their lies. I’ve kissed their mouths and held their shoulders in my hands. And I’ve watched them walk away. The scabs on their bodies weren’t enough. The vacant eyes only made me grab into the darkness and find only more of nothing. And the all the cars just drove by without ever knowing that we were there. Watching them. Drive. Drive on by.
I changed my shoes. I changed my shirts. But I was never able to change their minds. One day it will come. People that never even really knew me will gather and stand in the grass and the sun. And they will watch me be slid into my hole in the Earth.