I guess I ain’t got all the sadness out yet. ‘tween you and me, I’m afeard I won’t ever be free.
Heaven’s gate likely to keep me out. Cousins. Aunts. Uncles. My sisters. My mom. Friends. Dancing on their streets paved in gold.
I will watch them with my hands gripping the bars of the pearly gates. I will be happy for them. Glad to see them happy. Finally, real love. How love is supposed to be.
I will turn away.
What will be left for me.
Who will be on my side of the gate with me.
Nowhere left on the little blue and perfect gem for me or my kind.
My wings will be the last gift given to me that I will be allowed to keep.
Where shall I fly.
Into the endless darkness I will set out. I will see every yesterday that ever was. I will fly with the angels. The others will not have that privilege. I will hear their songs. Songs that cannot be heard in Heaven and certainly not by those in hell.
I will not have been a good man. But I will have had one of those blessed souls. Somewhere between a curse and a gift. Like a broken tea cup, mended back together with love, regret and super glue.
The little cup is almost what it once used to be, but will never, ever be whole again.