Life of Birds.
I thought everything would be alright. I was wrong.
There was no traffic on the way into work. There was plenty of coffee still left in the pot when I got there. The boss must have been laid the night before. This morning his normal attempts at being normal didn’t make my skin crawl, but were actually charming. Even snuck in a couple of jokes that didn’t repulse, but drew an honest and hardy laugh from me. I happened to not fall asleep at our afternoon management meeting. And the trip home again was another breeze.
I talked myself out of usual shot and a beer that follows my tossing of the keys onto the kitchen counter. Instead, I made it to the gym. Lifted heavy and then ran a full three miles. Once back at my apartment, I fed the cat, had a quick bite and was ready for a shower before bed.
I thought everything was just fine.
Then, as if she were haunting me from the inside out, I saw her sitting on the sofa, in her favorite spot. I knew that it couldn’t be, but I guess I wanted it to be true bad enough, that for just a splinter of a moment I believed she was with me tonight. The moment gave way even faster than it came. It wasn’t really her. She hadn’t come back. And she will never.
I sat on the sofa, next to where she would be, but was not. I cracked a beer after all. I drank it with her, wherever she was. Tonight I’m missing her.
I’m missing so many things that were once with me, but that I have no more. On the radio they played 80’s new wave. I felt somehow comforted by their lullabies. At least I will always have the old songs. They help me to want to believe that I might be wrong about being wrong. And that everything would be alright.